Hey you guys.

Hey, I'm going through a lot of different feelings right now. I'm not sure if its any sort of brainwashing or not but I feel horrible for leaving my grandma, and aunts, and even my little cousins. I couldn't have told them i was going to leave though. If I had I know they would have talked me into staying and thats not what I wanted to do or that I wanted to lie to them and SAY I would have stayed and then hurt them by leaving anyway. So to spare any sort of lie pain, I just left. I agreed with them, but not the way they did things. I really need to talk to you Jin. I hope we can skype later on tonight. There is a ride in place for Wednesday, and I am going to call the station and ask them on their luggage protocol. My heart hurts for those I left behind, I dont think they would understand how I felt like I was about to burst. I pray they can try to understand but no one knows how anyone truly feels at all. Sigh. I feel like Stockholm is going on, because it feels so unsafe for no reason just like with Kevin, only in a much different way. Ughhh!!

You're okay, dear. I'll talk you through it. You just need to get better first, then you'll be able to go back to it once you feel it out and decide it's what you truly want. But until then, we can figure it out slowly. I'll get on skype shortly. You'll be okay dear.

She said to tell you we shall be on shortly. As a unit. Cake to the max ASSEMBLE.

lol well notify her I'm on skype. So I'll be there.

Hey Jin. If you see this, can you get on Skype please? Kohi needs to vent and she says she'd like to talk to you on Skype.

I'm on there. I had company, but I'm here now. I didn't mean to leave her hanging.

Oh man. Where to start? Its so hard to describe the stress that I have ultimately put on myself. I've been coming out of denial when it comes to my situation. My heart is so heavy. And demons are confirming that I was in the truth to me personally. They never fucked with me like this before Jin. Yesterday while trying to take a nap I feel something in the room with me, Balor had left me to sleep alone in the dark with the fan on. I am having a hard time getting to sleep because of this feeling, then I hear papers being SLID off the table. Not blown by the fan, slid. I can write that one off to the fan though. Then, last night in the MIDDLE of the night, Balor was snoring passed out asleep, something wakes me up. A feeling, I can't shake it, I'm tossing and turning trying to get back to sleep. And I hear a can get knocked over. The feeling intensifies and I pray and pray and pray before I can finally get back to some rest. I get up this morning and both the cans are sitting up just fine. I feel shakey, stupid, and in the wrong. Jin I miss you. I hope things feel better once I see you. I hope I can talk to you just me and you on Skype a little later if everyone would be alright with it and if you dont have company. If not, its okay, it can wait. I just feel my body under a tremendous amount of stress. I dont even know what Im suppose to feel right now.

EDIT: Balor didnt leave me like an evil man wearing a black cloak. LMAO, totally sounded like that, he left me in PEACE to sleep soundly LMAO

You left out the part where I donned my black velvet cloak, painted a pentagram in my own blood on the wall and started speaking in backwards Latin while cackling maniacly.

Jin, could use a Skype session haha! MR THERAPIST XD

Hey guys, I don't know when anyone will see this, but I just wanted to update everyone on everything, real time.

Jin: Kohi is on the train as I type this. I dropped her off at 1:30. She boarded the bus after a quick hug. It was seriously the hardest goodbye I've ever had to say since I can remember. Like, I know that it's not "goodbye", it's just "see you later". But now I think I understand how it must have felt for you two to temporarily part ways when you'd go back and forth between seeing each other. There is just something so overly dramatic and movie-like about watching someone you care about get on a bus and ride away. It was like a punch in the chest. Even my mom cried. But I know that Kohi is gonna feel better being there with you. And I know she's somewhere where she will be absolutely safe. With no one trying to hurt her, manipulate her mind, put her down, make her feel paranoid or let her come to any harm whatsoever. So I express my eternal gratitude to you. Thank you so much for giving her that place and helping me to get her there. After getting to know her in the short time since I've met her, and after knowing everything that has happened to her in the last two years, I fully believe that your house was always the destination she needed to get to in order to properly begin putting things together. And I know she will do nothing but benefit from being there. And I promise I will have a place that is just as safe and supportive for her when she gets back to Oregon. So thank you for always being such a positive influence in her life.

Kohi: Hi. I already miss your presence in this house so much. You seriously brighten things here. Even when you're down, you have a way of lifting me up with just your smile. I'm so happy I got to spend some time with you before you left. And I'm grateful for you always being forgiving of me even when I act like a fool. I hope you are comfortable on the train right now. And that you arrive safely. To me, this feels like it's gonna be a whole new chapter for you. And for myself too. I know you're gonna be truly happy there, which is something I've never fully seen yet. But seeing the little glimmers of your happiness that I have, I know you're gonna shine brighter than a thousand suns. I'm gonna work hard to get my life together. First job, then car, then house. And I'm not gonna give up until I get those things for myself. Keep me updated on how things are going for you. I'm excited to Skype with you whenever you get the chance. Just keep your head up, relax for a while, settle in and feel at home. Cause you have one now. I'll talk to you soon.

Lizzie: I hope you and Kohi can Skype soon. I really wished you had been able to come over to see her and hang out with us. But I understand how hard starting a new job is and how important your initial impression is. Maybe you and I can hang out again soon. We might be able to actually go do something fun this time cause I get paid tomorrow. Oh who am I kidding? I'm probably gonna call you later. I'll just talk to you about all this then lol.

So that's about it for me right now. Operation: Montana Banana Jamma Ramma is now less than 24 hours from being complete. Kohi will arrive safely tomorrow afternoon and everything will be as it should be. And I feel great about it. Kohi, you deserve happiness. And you don't have to pay me back for anything. Just seeing you happy will be more than enough payment for me. That's why I did it.

P.S. I'm starting on Adrian's jacket soon. You guys want to help me with designs?